Taking You Back. . .

Here is one of my first blog posts. Just a reminder of why I started this journey. Making these lists helped me tremendously. You can see that my reasons for "dieting" went from very negative to positive. To accomplish any dream or goal you have to stay positive.

October 15, 2010

I’ve been pondering lately, why this diet is working this time. I mean, I know why it’s working. I’m eating the correct calorie amounts, I’m exercising more than I ever have, I’m focusing on my protein-carbohydrate ratios, I’m drinking the correct amounts of water, and so on and so forth. What I want to know is why am I sticking to it this time? What is it about this time? I want to know because so many people are starting to ask me what I’m doing. So many people want THE answer. They need to lose weight and everything they’ve tried hasn’t worked. Since this worked for me then it just has to work for them. The truth is any of us can lose weight. Any of us can do it by doing just about any diet out there. What is it in me, this time, that’s making me push forward and see this thing through to the end? What is it in me, this time that will maintain the weight loss?

When I start to answer those questions I sound like all the people I’ve heard that have lost weight or coach people in weight loss. The thing is all the answers are true. Such as, find something that works for you and stick with it. Exercise has been the key. Burn as much as you’re eating. If you mess up, don’t look back. Look forward and keep going. Put one foot in front of the other. Try to eat more fruits and vegetables. I could keep going. All of these things I have found to be true; especially the part about putting one foot in front of the other. There are days when I feel like I have to talk myself through the entire day. For example, I’ll say, “Okay Sandy. Choose something healthy for breakfast and you’ll be so proud.” So I do. Then I crave bad things until lunch. At lunch I’ll say, “Okay Sandy, let’s make a good choice for lunch.” I’ll do that & then crave bad things until snack and the day goes on like that until I go to bed. Then the next day I’ll wake up and find that it’s easy. I have great days and bad days. I have great weeks and bad weeks.

As I process all of this my conclusion, as of today, is my mindset is different. Everyone says it’s great to do it for your family, but you need to do it for you. I guess I’ve never truly understood that. As I think about what’s different this time I’d have to say that I’m doing it for me. Don’t get me wrong, I have many motivators. One of which is my children. My daughters are looking at me as an example of what a woman is like. They shouldn’t be worried about whether their mom is going to die early because of her weight. It shouldn’t even be a thought in their mind. These motivators are powerful, but they are not THE reason for my weight loss this time.

I started thinking of all the reasons I’ve started diets in the past. Here are some of those reasons. . .

My husband deserves to have a sexy wife. Not a fat one. I need to go on a diet for him.

My children shouldn’t be ashamed of me when their friends meet me. I need to go on a diet.

I will surely die tomorrow if I don’t go on a diet. I need to lose weight now!! (While there is truth here, your diet shouldn’t be fear based.)

My parents are disappointed in me. They had hoped for so much more. I’d better lose weight so they can be proud of me.

My siblings are ashamed to introduce me as their big sister. They don’t respect me or look up to me. I’d better lose weight so they can be proud and look to me as a leader.

When the men in my sister’s life meet me they decide not to date her because what if she’ll end up looking like me. I need to go on a diet so she can get married.

My mom is on another diet and wants me to go on it with her. I’d better because otherwise I will disappoint her and I’ve already done that so much.

I need to look like the women on TV or in the movies. My life would be so much better if I looked like them. I’d better go on a diet.

I am sinning. God is sending down His wrath on us because of my sin. If I go on a diet He will show mercy.

I am not the Christian woman all these people think I am. I am a sinner because of my weight. I can’t tell people about Jesus because, well, look at me. In fact, my sin is very visible. I’d better go on a diet so that I can tell people about Jesus.

I’m not being elevated to worship leader because I don’t look like all the other girls. I am anointed to lead worship, but I’ll never be elevated to that level until I look right. I’d better go on a diet so that the leaders in the church will raise me up.

I could go on and on but I’m not going to because they get more & more ridiculous.

I came to the realization that the reason I’m doing it this time, and its working, is because I want to. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of looking at pictures of myself and not seeing me. I’m tired of letting life run on by while I wait for that infamous some day. I’m tired of watching my kids play and I’m too big to be active with them. I’m tired of sex even being too hard. (Sorry if that’s too much, but it’s the truth.) I’m tired of not being taken seriously. For some reason in this society if you’re heavy, you must not know anything or you’re just not together enough; which is silly because over 60% of Americans are overweight. Not to jump on that band wagon, I just think that this time I was finally sick and tired.

This time it’s working because I want it to.

This time it’s working because I want to be healthy.

This time it’s working because I want to be active.

This time it’s working because I want to be the best I can be.

This time it’s working because I want to feel as if I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.

This time it’s working because I know I can do it.

This time it’s working because I know I’m strong enough to see it through to the end.

This time it’s working because I can see myself finishing. I can see myself keeping it off.

This time it’s working because I want to be a leader.