Powerless

I gave MY power away. I handed it over as if it was something I had borrowed and now had to return. I did not even put up a fight. Handing it over was so easy and familiar to me. “Oh. Oh, I am sorry. Did I have this? Here you go. I’m so sorry I had it for so long.” I stand there numb with a slight smile on my face watching it walk away. I even offer a small wave. There I am, all alone, in a daze. I look around unsure of what I am supposed to do next. I guess I will just wait until someone or some circumstance dictates my next step.

After a little time passes, I start feeling scared, insecure, and vulnerable. Feelings that are so familiar they almost offer me comfort. Familiar feels easier. There are no expectations or responsibility when powerless. To make sure I don't feel anything though, I eat. Eating is my blankey. It makes me feel safe and secure. I supress all my feelings with food.

Only, now I know what MY power feels like. What it feels like to control what I can and let go of the things I cannot, to feel strong, capable, and even courageous. All of a sudden, I am waking up as if out of a dream. The clouds are rolling away and I am realizing I want MY power back. I do not have to give it away. This life is mine! Mine to LIVE!!

I do not walk it alone though. The Lord is my portion. He gives me the strength to stand up and take MY power back. He holds me up and makes me brave. With Him, all things are possible. With Him, I can move mountains.

Psalms 18:30 – 36 says:

³⁰ As for God, His way is ^[n]blameless;
The word of the LORD is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
³¹ For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God,
³² The God who girds me with strength
And ^[o]makes my way ^[p]blameless?
³³ He makes my feet like hinds’ feet,
And sets me upon my high places.
³⁴ He trains my hands for battle,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵ You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
And Your right hand upholds me;
And Your ^[q]gentleness makes me great.
³⁶ You enlarge my steps under me,
And my ^[r]feet have not slipped.