You're A Fighter!!

LOVE THIS QUOTE!!

You're a fighter. Fighters don't quit. Fighters don't whine; they don't complain. They do the work. . . Do the work!! Don't fall in love with a result. Fall in love with this (he points to the person he's talking to) and make this your life. Okay?
                         
- Dolvett Quince

Decisions

When you gain control of an area of your life, that has been so out of control, you begin to feel empowered. Because you persevered through something hard, you think you can overcome anything. So this is where I'm at now. . . I know I can push through anything hard if I set my mind to it. So what do I do with that? I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. :) I have so many areas I would love to explore.

My sister's trying to get me to go to Cosmetology school so we can open a salon together. I think that would be fun. I'm interested in exploring the world of Nutrition and Exercise Science now because I believe I can inspire people to change their lives. I've always been interested in the financial world, thus the Loan Officer career and I LOVE real estate. Now that I know I can do anything, what do I do? I feel like I don't have a lot of time for school. I really don't want to start down the path of years and years of school. It absolutely scares me to make the "wrong" decision.

Now that I've shown you how messed up in the head I am. . . what do you suggest? :)

How Quickly We Go Backwards

I cannot believe how quickly I've lost my strength and my cardio fitness. I walked the Butte yesterday and huffed and puffed all the way up. Jeesh!! Today I did a workout I found on www.youtube.com. I thought I was going to throw up. OMGosh!! Tonight we went for a long walk. It was such a beautiful night. The girls asked us to race with them so we did some sprints. It feels so good to be back at it, but the muscles are sore tonight. I think it will come back quickly. Did you get any good movement in today? What did you do?

Battling Addiction

Addiction [uh-dik-shuhn] :  The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit – forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation or discontinuance causes severe trauma.

Throughout this journey, I’ve compared myself, many times, to an onion. The layers are being peeled back and I’m learning new things about myself. Some of them have been shocking revelations of strength and tenacity and others have been revelations of painful truths I buried. It’s been in those exposed raw places I’ve seen the most healing.  God’s healing power has been at work and His grace has been sufficient for me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 says, And He has said to me, My grace is sufficient [adequate for the purpose] for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.)

I have become battle weary and in the past 5 weeks have slipped desperately down into old addictions. As you’ve read, slipping has exposed some deep roots and revealed much about giving my power away, but that’s not all of it. Some more wounds have been revealed. More layers have been peeled back and I realize this root of addiction goes so much deeper.  

A person does not become 150+ pounds overweight simply by loving food. Jason has said to me multiple times I cannot solve 34 years of bad habits and deep stuff, by simply “changing” some habits. I have to trust the process and let it work, pain and all. (Philippians 1:6 says, For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.) God is working and His grace is sufficient for me.

This is a journey. . . life is a journey. I will not be “done” just because I reach a goal size. I will keep learning, growing, overcoming and rising above. I will trust the process and push forward to accomplish my goal. My battle plan is in place and I will face this head on. It will not take me down!

Snowmobiling

I'm the 3rd one from the right. All you can see is my head. LOL!

I WENT SNOWMOBILING!! I'm shouting that from the mountain tops because that is something I NEVER would have tried in the past. I would have made every excuse in the books not to, because of my weight. Now look at me. Snowmobiling with my family. I tipped it. I rolled down a tree well and climbed back out. I rode on the back of a double which I lovingly compare to riding an angry bull. I'm just so excited I am able to do things like this now. Yeah!!!

Day 1 DONE!!!

I have nothing profound to say today other than, Day 1 is done!!! The first three days of trying to gain discipline in an area of my life that's out of control, are extremely difficult for me. So, again I say day 1 is done!  Day 2, watch out!
I didn't exercise yesterday. I couldn't find a time to fit it in and honestly I didn't try very hard. I think it's back to early mornings for me. That way I can't talk myself out of it through out the day. I'm shocked at the dread I feel towards working out. It has been a huge part of my success and something I had come to enjoy. I'm amazed how quickly our bodies get lazy. I keep thinking, I don't want to hurt. I don't want to feel exhausted. I don't want to be out of breath. All that doesn't matter. I will feel amazing when I'm done. I will feel empowered, accomplished and strong. So mind over matter. I will go for a walk today. I may even try to run a little, to see how my IT band does. No excuses!

What excuses are keeping you from being healthy today and every day? What are you letting get in the way of an amazing life?

Powerless

I gave MY power away. I handed it over as if it was something I had borrowed and now had to return. I did not even put up a fight. Handing it over was so easy and familiar to me. “Oh. Oh, I am sorry. Did I have this? Here you go. I’m so sorry I had it for so long.” I stand there numb with a slight smile on my face watching it walk away. I even offer a small wave. There I am, all alone, in a daze. I look around unsure of what I am supposed to do next. I guess I will just wait until someone or some circumstance dictates my next step.

After a little time passes, I start feeling scared, insecure, and vulnerable. Feelings that are so familiar they almost offer me comfort. Familiar feels easier. There are no expectations or responsibility when powerless. To make sure I don't feel anything though, I eat. Eating is my blankey. It makes me feel safe and secure. I supress all my feelings with food.

Only, now I know what MY power feels like. What it feels like to control what I can and let go of the things I cannot, to feel strong, capable, and even courageous. All of a sudden, I am waking up as if out of a dream. The clouds are rolling away and I am realizing I want MY power back. I do not have to give it away. This life is mine! Mine to LIVE!!

I do not walk it alone though. The Lord is my portion. He gives me the strength to stand up and take MY power back. He holds me up and makes me brave. With Him, all things are possible. With Him, I can move mountains.

Psalms 18:30 – 36 says:

³⁰ As for God, His way is ^[n]blameless;
The word of the LORD is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
³¹ For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God,
³² The God who girds me with strength
And ^[o]makes my way ^[p]blameless?
³³ He makes my feet like hinds’ feet,
And sets me upon my high places.
³⁴ He trains my hands for battle,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵ You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
And Your right hand upholds me;
And Your ^[q]gentleness makes me great.
³⁶ You enlarge my steps under me,
And my ^[r]feet have not slipped.